Ramblings

It's late, but for some reason, I'm really not tired. I felt like I had to get up and write. I'm not exactly sure what, but I feel like there's something.

The times I have decided to write lately have all been focused on poetry. I don't know why, necessarily, but poetry has been the focus. I know I would be able to better explain it all and really capture the moments, thoughts, observations, or whatever else in prose. Sometimes, though, poetry just feels more natural, more appropriate.

I started working on other stuff--short stories and such--but I have not had the motivation to sit down and finish them. Maybe this weekend, though I doubt it considering all I have to do. I wonder sometimes how much of the "busy" we self-inflict. I know I add things that really aren't necessary to my schedule. I have gotten better at saying "no," to people, it's necessary, but I still "yes" too often. It all seems so important at the time. It's not really, but, I tell myself it is most of the time.

We live in a culture of "yes" though. So many kids today don't even get to spend time with their own parents because their parents are always saying "yes" to others, and "no" to their families. It's ridiculous when you think about really. Family should be the number one focus. There's a guy I greatly respect who owns a large business and is extremely involved in ministry. He taught me a philosophy I will pass on to as many others as I can. It involves the idea of resolution.

Every year there is at least one person you know who has decided to quit smoking "for good," work out three times a week, eat healthier. How many people, though, have you heard ever say their resolution for the year is to "spend more time with their family," or something actually significant and will make a difference not only that person's life, but also in the lives of those he loves? Well, this guy I admire in almost every way taught me to choose one word for every year. Don't be focused on a long list of self-improvements. Focus on one word and make everything for that year revolve around it. For instance, the first year he did this, the word he chose was "simplify." When it came down to decisions, he asked himself, "Does this simplify my life so that I can spend more time with my family, in ministry, etc.?" Brilliant. I am indebted to the man for this philosophy. The only unfortunate thing about it is the word I chose for this year has been difficult: "patience." Well, I sure have learned a lot because of it.

What does it mean to be patient? Truly, and completely patient, relying on the Lord? It's complicated. I would love to say it's easy and that I've figured it all out, but that wouldn't be true. I'm still learning. But, I can say one thing. My timing doesn't matter anymore. I have realized that God opens doors and shuts them at the time necessary. It's as though I am on this elevator on its way up. Instead of waiting for the elevator to reach the next floor, I would rather hit the emergency stop button, the forbidden red, pry open the doors only to realize I can't get off yet. How stupid. I'm waiting now. The elevator music may bore me in the meantime, but I need to hang in there and just wait for the elevator to stop as it was designed to, when it was designed to. It's tough.

I'm sure there's a lot more I could say, and quite honestly, I'm still not all that tired. I am also fairly confident that this is not that cohesive. I apologize. But these ramblings weren't meant for you, weren't composed for your reading pleasure. They were for me. Sorry. I'll write something a little more reader-friendly in the near future. For now, I'm going to try and fall asleep. I guess I will have to be patient for it.